Getting Him Involved in the Wedding Plans Part 2: The Involvement Paradox

So the genie’s out of the bottle. We’re here in the 21st century and we’re still dealing with the problems of the past –namely how to undue centuries of gender politics and get more grooms involved in the wedding plans. So how do we out that genie back in the bottle?

By addressing the core problems. Oh, we could suggest ways to charm or manipulate the groom into helping for days, but the internet doesn’t seem to have a lack of resources for that. Those methods can certainly work, but they’re by definition cures for the symptoms and not the cause. This week, we’re tackling a core problem we coined The Involvement Paradox.

While researching this article, we contacted a personal friend that’s a bride-to-be. We asked her if she was having trouble getting her groom involved in the wedding planning, and –to no one’s surprise –she said yes. Then we asked her if there were parts of the wedding she’d relent to, if it made it more interesting to the groom. Naturally confused, she asked in what manner.

Here’s where it gets tricky.

Knowing that the groom was a huge NFL fan, we suggested NFL-themed table clothes (knowing how ridiculous it sounds). Her eyes went wide. Shock? Horror? A dread that could boil seas? But before she voiced her objection, she stopped herself at the last second.

She caught herself in a paradox: she wanted the groom to be more involved, but the second her vision for the wedding might be compromised, she was ready to shut it down.

Now before you come charging into Belleview with pitchforks, we want to state we know we’re using baseline examples here. There’s most certainly plenty of women who are avid NFL fans; there’s also plenty of men who enjoy interior design and fashion. Neither group is sacrificing their femininity or masculinity. And we don’t want to paint the picture of lack of groom involvement being the women’s fault. The Involvement Paradox is just one example of a rabbit hole that stretches miles deep.

Let’s try another example.

You know what type of wedding pretty much never suffers from lack of groom involvement? Geek-themed weddings. We’re absolutely serious. Watching the groom get excited about stepping up to the altar as a Jedi Knight or Night’s Watch is a sight to behold. There’s passion –legitimate passion and excitement –moreover, the bride is excited to dress as a senior student at Hogwarts, or a fellow Jedi Knight too. Regardless of what others think, here’s a couple where it’s easy to plan together because they’re both sharing in what they love.

No one’s saying you need to shop around for a Leia-themed bridal gown, your excitement and genuine passion is just as important as his. But still, there’s a lesson to take away from those couples that are saying their vows with The One Ring –and we apologize ahead of time for being corny –the wedding planning isn’t too early to practice partnership. What do you both want to see in your wedding? Brainstorm. Talk. Compromise.

From an aesthetic and marketing standpoint, wedding planning is designed from the ground-up to be unappealing to men. While it’s easy to say, “so what?” Consider this: there was a time when books and film weren’t considered women interests at all. It wasn’t marketed to them, so they didn’t buy it. It was a self-fulfilling tautology. Throughout the centuries, those preconceptions changed –with equal parts women getting involved, and the market listening. Now women regularly share the Best-Sellers lists with men –with all genders buying and participating. Film has made great strides, too, but also has a ways to go. But imagine, if you will, a world where people think it’s laughably absurd that a man wouldn’t be interested in wedding planning.

“Getting Him Involved” series continues next week…

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